Shock and Awe

I did it. I ate a small peanut butter ball that had tiny pieces of chocolate in it. Yes, I knew the chocolate was in there and I still ate it! I'll tell you why I did it.
Withdrawal symptom #1: I have been waking up at odd hours of the night unable to sleep and anxious. It is seriously annoying.
Withdrawal symptom #2: At work I'm frequently anxious and nervous because chocolate is literally every where. My company provides free drinks and chocolate. Chocolate is in the kitchens, the boardrooms, the shelves, the closets, in the mail, and my staff keeps offering me more chocolate. Just yesterday we received a box of chocolates from a local business and a co-worker recieved a mardigra cake in the mail! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? A FULL SIZED CAKE IN THE MAIL! sigh....
Withdrawal symptom #3: While everyone is receiving all of this delicious chocolate goodness, I am stuffing my face with crackers that I have hidden in my desk. I ate an entire sleave of butter, salty, crackers in a 4 days. No wonder I haven't lost any weight by abstaining from chocolate. I'm over eating and not eating well. Last week I ate an entire pizza by myself in 3 meals. I never do this. I don't even LOVE pizza. I just like it on occasion. But because I can't have chocolate, I want something...anything...not healthy.

Conclusion: I am eating chocolate now...but rarely. Like 1 bite sized chocolate a day. No brownies, cookies, or cakes. With this new goal I am focusing on sleeping better, eating better, and not being so anxious/weird. By allowing myself to eat a small nugget of chocolate, I will not desire pizza or butter crackers (yuck).
With that said, I went to the grocery store today. Yes, today, on national grocery shopping day. I parked in Egypt and found the check-out lines were forever long. I forgot that a snow storm is brewing in the west and people are in panic mode. While part of me was angry that everyone was at the grocery store at the same time, part of me was in awe of all of the beautiful people. I've never been to the grocery and seen so many attractive men. Note to self: go to the store when snow storms are on the horizon.
Anyway, while at the store I bought healthy foods, like fruit. I'm more focused then ever to lose weight. Who knows by not focusing on 'not eating chocolate' maybe I won't eat chocolate?

The journey continues, it is just a little different.